Article by Mort Fertel

HOW TO KNOW IF YOUR MARRIAGE WILL SURVIVE


Do you know whether or not your marriage will make it? I can tell you with near certainty.


Hi. I’m Mort Fertel, author of Marriage Fitness.


If you had to pick ONE THING that best predicts whether or not your marriage will succeed, what would you pick?


You might say “conflict.” If you fight a lot, then that’s not a good sign, right? WRONG.


Would you believe that it’s the opposite?! That’s right; research shows that the number one predictor of divorce is the habitual AVOIDANCE of conflict. In other words, a couple who does NOT fight is at the greatest risk for divorce.


A couple came to me for private phone sessions and I asked them what was going on in their relationship.


“We never talk,” Kathy said.


“Why not,” I asked.


“Because we realized that that’s when we fight,” she responded.


Isn’t it ironic? We try to avoid conflict with our spouse for the benefit of our relationship. But there’s nothing MORE damaging to your marriage than NOT fighting.


Hate is not the opposite of love; apathy is! Hate is close to love. To hate someone, you have to CARE about them.


Did you ever feel hate for your mailman? How about the clerk at the supermarket? You never hated them because you don’t care about them. That’s the opposite of love.


But the closer you are to someone the more likely it is that you step on each other’s toes. Hate is actually a sign of hope. It means you care. It means you’re close. Apathy, on the other hand, is cause for great concern.


Don’t get me wrong, I’m not advising you to go pick a fight with your spouse. You can’t fight so that you’ll have a good marriage. I didn’t say fighting is healthy. I said people in healthy marriages fight. In other words, the fact that you fight is a sign that deep down you really love each other, that your relationship has potential. But if you want to be happily married, you have to learn to fight WELL.


Successful couples know how to discuss their differences. This is not something that comes naturally to anyone; it’s a learned skill. And once you learn it, all the energy that goes into your fights propels your relationship forward.


EVERY successful couple has areas of disagreement. No two people are perfectly compatible. “Irreconcilable differences” are like a bad knee or a chronic back—they’re part of every good marriage.


The key to succeeding in marriage is not finding the right person; it’s learning to fight well with the person you found. You’ll have “irreconcilable differences” with anyone you pick. The question is whether or not you can learn to discuss them.


If you’d like to learn how to discuss them as well as other marriage renewal tips, then subscribe to my FREE breakthrough report "7 Secrets to a Stronger Marriage" and get a FREE marriage assessment too.

To subscribe, CLICK HERE.

It’s FREE.


Mort Fertel

Author of Marriage Fitness

Marriage Coach



Top | Home | More Articles



Affiliate Disclaimer: Some of the links to resources listed on this site are affiliate links, including the resource listed on this page. This means that if you click on a link pointing to a vendor on this page and you subsequently purchase any product from that vendor, Cobb & Associates Inc. will receive a percentage of that sale. Please know that we will only review and recommend products that we feel are of high quality and value to the reader. If any product we find on the internet is not of high quality it will not be reviewed on this site. Affiliate commissions are one method we use to offset marketing costs and are not a significant source of income for Cobb & Associates.


Enjoy this page? Please pay it forward. Here's how...

Would you prefer to share this page with others by linking to it?

  1. Click on the HTML link code below.
  2. Copy and paste it, adding a note of your own, into your blog, a Web page, forums, a blog comment, your Facebook account, or anywhere that someone would find this page valuable.